New jokes appreciated

[JannerinCardiff]

Manchester United

 

[santos73]

I never thought orthopedic shoes worked... but I stand corrected.

 

[bd1981]

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals

 

[mervyn]

A little boy is taken to a hospice by his father to visit his dying grandfather. While his father is out of the room the little boy asks “Grandad, can you make one of your frog noises for me”. Grandad says “sorry but I can’t make frog noises”. Little boy says “that’s funny Grandad, cos dad says when you croak we’re all off to Florida”.

 

[smudja]

new glass coffins be a success remains to be seen

 

[Frank Butcher]

Thinking about flogging my vacuum cleaner.

It’s only gathering dust.



(unashamed Dad joke)

 

[MickyD]

I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.

(Funniest joke award at this year's Edinburgh Fringe.)

 

[J Y Kelly]

A man walks in on his wife in bed with another man and says, "What on earth are you doing with my wife?" to which the wife replies, "there you are, I told you he was stupid"

 

[J Y Kelly]

Two escaped lions walking down the high street in Blackpool and one says to the other, "Not many here for a Bank Holiday"

 

[Pogleswoody]

I took my cat to the vets, he said it should be put down and cremated using napalm.
I shan't be going to Vietnam Vets again!

 

[MickyD]

I took my cat to the vets, he said it should be put down and cremated using napalm.
I shan't be going to Vietnam Vets again!

I find Tet offensive.

 

[Pogleswoody]

I find Tet offensive.

They've just opened a new Peruvian fast food outlet down the road:
Alpaca Lips Now.

 

[gerdundula]

 

[IJN]

A few have been deleted.

Can you please remember this is a child friendly site.

Thanks

 

[deathadder]