One Game at a Time: Hang ‘em High
Burton Albion (H) January 4th 2026
I am by nature a positive person, so let us start there. Undefeated this year. So far.
I have also worked out that the lucky Argyle socks received at Christmas are the pair that, ironically, are not labelled and branded as lucky socks. I will be writing to the Argyle Commercial Department shortly.
2025 is in the rear-view mirror. Things are changing. Donald J Trump has decided as he doesn’t seem likely to win the Nobel Peace Prize, he might as well go for the Nobel War Prize. No. Don’t tell him. Let him find out.
2025 was, at least we have to hope it was, our annus horribilus. Now we have a window and a rest of a season to try and rescue our reduced status from being back to square one. The origins of that phrase comes from the old days of radio commentary when the commentator would refer to a published chart of the pitch when describing the action, with the ball being returned to the goalkeeper being, literally, back to square one.
In my last little missive, I discussed the tendency of online fans especially, piling onto players and slating them, sometimes their motives for being here, and generally taking a blinkered view of the players contribution. It happened again this week with Boateng, a player being played out of his normal position, who, like Pepple before him in injury time against Why Come, confounded the critics by scoring the equaliser.
Of course, it has always been a bit like that. I am old enough to recall Brian Johnson being harangued by the Argyle crowd primarily for not being Hughie McAuley. George Foster after him. Scapegoats come along on a regular basis. There is a herd mentality about it. It’s like the first round table on Traitors. Once your name is out there it is almost unstoppable. Probably the one position that has had a degree of exemption at Argyle, at least, is goalkeeper.
In part that is because by and large, in my experience Argyle have has some pretty damned excellent goalkeepers. When I started watching we had an Irish international in Pat Dunne, then Jim Furnell, Milija Aleksic, Martin Hodge, Paul Barron, Alan Miller on loan, the incomparable Geoff Crudgington, the unforgettable and oft lamented Alan Nicholls, another loanee who did a sterling job in Remi Matthews. Le Keeper. Superluke. Coops. It a long and decent list.
And, of course, sometimes in between you get someone who doesn’t quite emerge from the shadow. Peter Bala’c, Jon Sheffield, Neil Hards, Robert Le Loekke, Matt Macey. But of these, only Macey ever really got a huge amount of stick, despite being dealt the hand of being guarded by a back four that, well, by and large, didn’t.
And now I feel that we are back to square one. Conor Hazard, who is also an Irish International, although of the Northern persuasion, seems to have lost the crowd. And once a goalkeeper does that it is a long road back.
Hazard’s cause is not helped by the widely publicised rumour that, but for an injury sustained on international duty in the summer, he would have joined the exodus of the Championship side in the close season. Indeed, as his contract expires this summer, it would not be a surprise if the club, assuming such an option exists for them, cashes in on the ex-Celtic man and brings in another keeper. After all, there seems to be an almost inexhaustible supply of loan keepers, as Argyle tested out in the season of seven keepers of 2017/18.
But has Hazard’s unpopularity surged this season for real reasons or just the previously mentioned tendency to pile on. The reality is in a bad season the defence and in particular the goalkeeper are not likely to be getting rave reviews. Yes, there was the strange case of Neil Ramsbottom winning Player of the Season in the 77/8 relegation season, allegedly after a co-ordinated campaign by local newsagents John Sparrow to effectively stuff the ballot box more efficiently that Old Vladimir in Russia at General Election time, but Hazard wasn’t seen as the main cause of the relegation, and his end of season form was pretty good. As were his stats.
Indeed, the original pile-on for goalkeepers this season was on his understudy Luca Ashby-Hammond, whose principal crimes were being free, having a nightmare in a friendly when he thin edged a ball into the slip cordon of his own goal, and then not stopping enough penalties that his defence kept shipping.
So, it was no great surprise when, against today’s opponents on their patch, Hazard was reinstated. Argyle crushed Burton four nil, and Cleverley-ball was all the rage. September seems a long way back now.
Since then, things have gone, well, less well. And the main charge against Hazard is for a giant of a man, the long-limbed perfect shape for a modern-day keeper, he is a relative dwarf when the ball comes in the air. Unsurprisingly, in a division primarily stocked with hefty physical specimens, the opposition coaches have noticed this and so have tasked their side with taking every opportunity to lift the ball into what journalists call the “corridor of uncertainty” and which Argyle fans know as the penalty area. On the few occasions he does come for the ball it is primarily to punch clear rather than to catch.
Having a goalkeeper who stays rooted to his goalline means that the central defenders have to win the ball every time, which means if they do that the midfield shield has to win the ball every time simply to retain possession. Here Hazards next crime is revealed. He has a tendency to, when in unchallenged possession, to lump the ball aimlessly forward, often missing his target, occasionally missing the playing surface altogether.
The consensus he is a better shot stopper than his understudy, again aided by his telescopic reach which works sideways but not upwards.
At Stevenage the opening goal came from a high looped ball which got all the way to the far post where our right footed left back Sorinola was outjumped, and the ball laid back to an unmarked Stevenage player. Now you can debate whether Hazard could have got to the ball, but the reason the ball was there, was because it’s a pretty good gamble for the attacking side that he probably won’t even try. So, if Hazard were able to claim a few balls in the air, suddenly the “sling it in the mixer and hope ball” becomes a lot less attractive.
They say that the goalkeeper is the loneliest position in football, and crowds do sense weakness. We have all seen the Dracula epithet applied to a keeper who is apparently afraid of crosses. “Dodgy keeper” is a popular chant against a player having a hard time. So far, barring a brief dalliance with “Trip Hazard” Conor has avoided any long-term nominative determinism.
From the earliest days goalkeepers have been attributed nicknames, starting with William “Fatty” Foulke, something that the anti-bullying brigade would be all over if it happened today.
Gary Sprake, despite playing in the best team of his generation, Leeds United, was defined by his “Careless hands“ moment at Anfield when he was serenaded by the Kop after managing to throw the ball into his own net.
Anfield had their own nickname for Sprake’s contemporary in the Liverpool goal. Tommy Lawrence was affectionately known as the Flying Pig, a nickname adopted by a number of other clubs for their more rotund or solid custodians, including Kevin Dearden at Brentford and Torquay and Dave Latchford at Birmingham City. Lawrence was so unprepossessing he was once stopped for a vox pop TV interview in Liverpool and asked his opinion of the recent Merseyside Derby. The interviewer was slightly startled when his latest subject revealed he had not only seen the game, but he had also played in goal for its entirety.
Artur Boruc, in his Celtic days took the size-based nickname to the extreme when christened by Parkhead as “the Roly Poly Holy Goalie.” Foreign names will always be corrupted …our Milija Aleksic became “Mr Elastic”, and Arsenal, Swansea and West Hams Lucas Fabianski got the slightly less flattering “Flappy Handski.” Scott Carson was known at West Brom as crisp packet hands, whilst Simon Farnworth at Bury was flapper, precisely for his inability to claim a cross.
if Conor stays for the rest of the season, or even longer, let’s hope he can avoid getting a regular nickname, or even worse become the punchline of a joke.
That fate befell Frank Haffey, the Scotland goalkeeper in the infamous 1961 9-3 defeat at Wembley. No-one remembers him for saving a penalty from Bobby Charlton on his debut the year before. They all remember the apocryphal joke of the Scottish fan trudging disconsolately away from Wembley, and, on being asked the time by a passer-by, replies “nine past Haffey”.
Burton arrive and Argyle need to start winning at Home Park again. A clean sheet would be a great way to start that process. A few caught crosses couldn’t hurt.
In this yo-yo division where a win sends you flying upwards and a defeat plunging down it would be nice feel what it is like to win two or three in a row again.
COYG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Burton Albion (H) January 4th 2026
I am by nature a positive person, so let us start there. Undefeated this year. So far.
I have also worked out that the lucky Argyle socks received at Christmas are the pair that, ironically, are not labelled and branded as lucky socks. I will be writing to the Argyle Commercial Department shortly.
2025 is in the rear-view mirror. Things are changing. Donald J Trump has decided as he doesn’t seem likely to win the Nobel Peace Prize, he might as well go for the Nobel War Prize. No. Don’t tell him. Let him find out.
2025 was, at least we have to hope it was, our annus horribilus. Now we have a window and a rest of a season to try and rescue our reduced status from being back to square one. The origins of that phrase comes from the old days of radio commentary when the commentator would refer to a published chart of the pitch when describing the action, with the ball being returned to the goalkeeper being, literally, back to square one.
In my last little missive, I discussed the tendency of online fans especially, piling onto players and slating them, sometimes their motives for being here, and generally taking a blinkered view of the players contribution. It happened again this week with Boateng, a player being played out of his normal position, who, like Pepple before him in injury time against Why Come, confounded the critics by scoring the equaliser.
Of course, it has always been a bit like that. I am old enough to recall Brian Johnson being harangued by the Argyle crowd primarily for not being Hughie McAuley. George Foster after him. Scapegoats come along on a regular basis. There is a herd mentality about it. It’s like the first round table on Traitors. Once your name is out there it is almost unstoppable. Probably the one position that has had a degree of exemption at Argyle, at least, is goalkeeper.
In part that is because by and large, in my experience Argyle have has some pretty damned excellent goalkeepers. When I started watching we had an Irish international in Pat Dunne, then Jim Furnell, Milija Aleksic, Martin Hodge, Paul Barron, Alan Miller on loan, the incomparable Geoff Crudgington, the unforgettable and oft lamented Alan Nicholls, another loanee who did a sterling job in Remi Matthews. Le Keeper. Superluke. Coops. It a long and decent list.
And, of course, sometimes in between you get someone who doesn’t quite emerge from the shadow. Peter Bala’c, Jon Sheffield, Neil Hards, Robert Le Loekke, Matt Macey. But of these, only Macey ever really got a huge amount of stick, despite being dealt the hand of being guarded by a back four that, well, by and large, didn’t.
And now I feel that we are back to square one. Conor Hazard, who is also an Irish International, although of the Northern persuasion, seems to have lost the crowd. And once a goalkeeper does that it is a long road back.
Hazard’s cause is not helped by the widely publicised rumour that, but for an injury sustained on international duty in the summer, he would have joined the exodus of the Championship side in the close season. Indeed, as his contract expires this summer, it would not be a surprise if the club, assuming such an option exists for them, cashes in on the ex-Celtic man and brings in another keeper. After all, there seems to be an almost inexhaustible supply of loan keepers, as Argyle tested out in the season of seven keepers of 2017/18.
But has Hazard’s unpopularity surged this season for real reasons or just the previously mentioned tendency to pile on. The reality is in a bad season the defence and in particular the goalkeeper are not likely to be getting rave reviews. Yes, there was the strange case of Neil Ramsbottom winning Player of the Season in the 77/8 relegation season, allegedly after a co-ordinated campaign by local newsagents John Sparrow to effectively stuff the ballot box more efficiently that Old Vladimir in Russia at General Election time, but Hazard wasn’t seen as the main cause of the relegation, and his end of season form was pretty good. As were his stats.
Indeed, the original pile-on for goalkeepers this season was on his understudy Luca Ashby-Hammond, whose principal crimes were being free, having a nightmare in a friendly when he thin edged a ball into the slip cordon of his own goal, and then not stopping enough penalties that his defence kept shipping.
So, it was no great surprise when, against today’s opponents on their patch, Hazard was reinstated. Argyle crushed Burton four nil, and Cleverley-ball was all the rage. September seems a long way back now.
Since then, things have gone, well, less well. And the main charge against Hazard is for a giant of a man, the long-limbed perfect shape for a modern-day keeper, he is a relative dwarf when the ball comes in the air. Unsurprisingly, in a division primarily stocked with hefty physical specimens, the opposition coaches have noticed this and so have tasked their side with taking every opportunity to lift the ball into what journalists call the “corridor of uncertainty” and which Argyle fans know as the penalty area. On the few occasions he does come for the ball it is primarily to punch clear rather than to catch.
Having a goalkeeper who stays rooted to his goalline means that the central defenders have to win the ball every time, which means if they do that the midfield shield has to win the ball every time simply to retain possession. Here Hazards next crime is revealed. He has a tendency to, when in unchallenged possession, to lump the ball aimlessly forward, often missing his target, occasionally missing the playing surface altogether.
The consensus he is a better shot stopper than his understudy, again aided by his telescopic reach which works sideways but not upwards.
At Stevenage the opening goal came from a high looped ball which got all the way to the far post where our right footed left back Sorinola was outjumped, and the ball laid back to an unmarked Stevenage player. Now you can debate whether Hazard could have got to the ball, but the reason the ball was there, was because it’s a pretty good gamble for the attacking side that he probably won’t even try. So, if Hazard were able to claim a few balls in the air, suddenly the “sling it in the mixer and hope ball” becomes a lot less attractive.
They say that the goalkeeper is the loneliest position in football, and crowds do sense weakness. We have all seen the Dracula epithet applied to a keeper who is apparently afraid of crosses. “Dodgy keeper” is a popular chant against a player having a hard time. So far, barring a brief dalliance with “Trip Hazard” Conor has avoided any long-term nominative determinism.
From the earliest days goalkeepers have been attributed nicknames, starting with William “Fatty” Foulke, something that the anti-bullying brigade would be all over if it happened today.
Gary Sprake, despite playing in the best team of his generation, Leeds United, was defined by his “Careless hands“ moment at Anfield when he was serenaded by the Kop after managing to throw the ball into his own net.
Anfield had their own nickname for Sprake’s contemporary in the Liverpool goal. Tommy Lawrence was affectionately known as the Flying Pig, a nickname adopted by a number of other clubs for their more rotund or solid custodians, including Kevin Dearden at Brentford and Torquay and Dave Latchford at Birmingham City. Lawrence was so unprepossessing he was once stopped for a vox pop TV interview in Liverpool and asked his opinion of the recent Merseyside Derby. The interviewer was slightly startled when his latest subject revealed he had not only seen the game, but he had also played in goal for its entirety.
Artur Boruc, in his Celtic days took the size-based nickname to the extreme when christened by Parkhead as “the Roly Poly Holy Goalie.” Foreign names will always be corrupted …our Milija Aleksic became “Mr Elastic”, and Arsenal, Swansea and West Hams Lucas Fabianski got the slightly less flattering “Flappy Handski.” Scott Carson was known at West Brom as crisp packet hands, whilst Simon Farnworth at Bury was flapper, precisely for his inability to claim a cross.
if Conor stays for the rest of the season, or even longer, let’s hope he can avoid getting a regular nickname, or even worse become the punchline of a joke.
That fate befell Frank Haffey, the Scotland goalkeeper in the infamous 1961 9-3 defeat at Wembley. No-one remembers him for saving a penalty from Bobby Charlton on his debut the year before. They all remember the apocryphal joke of the Scottish fan trudging disconsolately away from Wembley, and, on being asked the time by a passer-by, replies “nine past Haffey”.
Burton arrive and Argyle need to start winning at Home Park again. A clean sheet would be a great way to start that process. A few caught crosses couldn’t hurt.
In this yo-yo division where a win sends you flying upwards and a defeat plunging down it would be nice feel what it is like to win two or three in a row again.
COYG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
