- Apr 25, 2016
- 13,955
- 10,849
Visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high.
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
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- Thread starter mervyn
- Start date
A motorcycle officer stopped a man who had run a red light.
The guy was a real jerk, yelling, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly explained the violation, but the man exploded into a tirade, insulting the officer’s ancestry and orientation in every way imaginable.
The officer stayed calm. When he finished writing the ticket, he scribbled “AH” in the corner and handed it over.
The man snapped, “What does AH mean?!”
The officer looked him straight in the eyes and said, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember you were aggressive and hostile.” Then he walked away.
Because the man already had a terrible driving record and risked losing his license, he hired a hot-shot attorney. In court, the attorney asked: “Officer, is there any unusual marking on this citation?”
“Yes, sir. At the bottom there’s an underlined ‘AH.’”
“And what does ‘AH’ stand for?”
“Aggressive and hostile, sir.”
The attorney smirked. “Are you sure it doesn’t stand for A$$hole?”
The officer grinned. “Well, sir… you know your client better than I do.”
The guy was a real jerk, yelling, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly explained the violation, but the man exploded into a tirade, insulting the officer’s ancestry and orientation in every way imaginable.
The officer stayed calm. When he finished writing the ticket, he scribbled “AH” in the corner and handed it over.
The man snapped, “What does AH mean?!”
The officer looked him straight in the eyes and said, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember you were aggressive and hostile.” Then he walked away.
Because the man already had a terrible driving record and risked losing his license, he hired a hot-shot attorney. In court, the attorney asked: “Officer, is there any unusual marking on this citation?”
“Yes, sir. At the bottom there’s an underlined ‘AH.’”
“And what does ‘AH’ stand for?”
“Aggressive and hostile, sir.”
The attorney smirked. “Are you sure it doesn’t stand for A$$hole?”
The officer grinned. “Well, sir… you know your client better than I do.”
- Apr 25, 2016
- 13,955
- 10,849
I went swimming this morning, peed in the deep end.
The lifeguard blew his whistle that loud, I almost fell in.
The lifeguard blew his whistle that loud, I almost fell in.
- Apr 25, 2016
- 13,955
- 10,849
a classic les dawson joke.Les is walking down the street and approaches a policeman,"i've just seen four men beating up my mother in law ",the shocked policeman asks,"why didn't you help out"?,les dawson "i thought four was enough".
Charles Dickens known for publishing his novels in serial form, decided that it would be an idea to simultaneously publish his new novel, The Tale of Two Cities in two different periodicals. It was the Bicester Times, and it was the Worcester Times.
- Apr 25, 2016
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Coworker: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: Just some cheese and quiet
Coworker: Don't you mean peace and quiet?
Me: No
Me: Just some cheese and quiet
Coworker: Don't you mean peace and quiet?
Me: No
- Apr 25, 2016
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- 10,849
Bono has been struck down with a a winter virus, he said “well tonight thank god it’s phlegm instead of flu”
Chap goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barmaid gives him one.
- Apr 25, 2016
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- 10,849
Really missing Granda this Christmas Day, knowing that he’s up there looking down upon us all….Hopefully his stairlift will be fixed in time for New Years Eve.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. One guy is really smashing it, spins, moonwalks, backflips, nonstop. Wife says see that guy he proposed to me, but i said no. Husband says "well it looks like he is still celebrating".
A man goes to the doctor and says:- Doctor says what should i do so i can live to be 100.
Do you smoke? No
Do you drink alcohol? No
Eat to much? No
Live a wild life? No
Do you have kids? Yes
Are you married? Unfortunately, Yes
The doctor looks at him and says Then why do you want to live until you are 100?
Do you smoke? No
Do you drink alcohol? No
Eat to much? No
Live a wild life? No
Do you have kids? Yes
Are you married? Unfortunately, Yes
The doctor looks at him and says Then why do you want to live until you are 100?